Have you ever put together a puzzle? When you were little, you had big pieces and it was fairly easy to put them together. Everyone wanted you to succeed and they did what they could to guarantee it. As you grew older, the pieces got smaller and more numerous, and the puzzles more difficult.
And have you noticed that while puzzle pictures all contain the same ingredients, sky, water, some buildings, people, trees, flowers, grass or fields, no 2 puzzles are the same. Each puzzle is different, the elements of the picture are structured in a unique way. A green piece of grass from one puzzle won't fit into the green grass of another puzzle. It may be close, the color may even be very similar, and you may be able to force it into an empty spot. But it won't be right. It will look and feel skewed.
When we approach weight issues today, it's as if we are putting together a child's puzzle, with a few big pieces and very little nuance. We focus on diet and nutrition, and we concentrate on exercise. And these are good things. What we put into our bodies is very important, especially in these days when so much of our food supply is empty of nutrition or downright poison to a healthy body. And exercise too, we are physical beings with the need to use our bodies doing fun and healthy activities.
That being said, however, we are much more complex than just our physical bodies. We really are Spiritual Beings on a physical path. This flips the common understanding that tells us we are first and foremost physical beings on a spiritual path. It's important to get hold of this difference, and it is a huge difference.
If we are physical beings on a spiritual path, focusing on diet and exercise makes perfect sense. All we need to do is control what we take in and how we expend those calories. Just like a car, put the gas in the tank and go until the gas is gone, then do it again. But we know that even with our cars there is more to it than that. We have to be aware of maintenance and quality of gas. We need to stay on top of changing the oil and the wipers, otherwise it will soon begin to deteriorate.
As Spiritual Beings on a physical path, however, things can get skewed in many more ways than just maintenance and fuel. Feelings and emotions exert a large influence in our lives, whether we are aware of them or not. And they can flash out of control instantly. Just take a look at road rage, or that moment when someone innocently says something and we flash up in anger, misunderstanding their intent. We might smell something that brings back a good feeling, like new mowed grass. We might hear a song and suddenly we're 16 again and in love for the first time. Yes, as Spiritual Beings in a physical body, we are much more complex than the we might be aware of.
In fact, we are more similar to the 10,000+ piece, 3D puzzle than to the child's puzzle. If you could imagine a 10,000+, 3D puzzle that also shifts colors, shapes, and the picture itself keeps shifting and changing, you can begin to get the idea of just how complex and marvelous we are.
So when we think about something like our weight, when we struggle to find answers to our concerns about our food and our bodies, it can become so daunting and discouraging, that we turn to the simple, easy solutions of diet and exercise. And let me repeat that both of these are very important for a healthy body and mind. However, it's not the whole story.
But is it really this complicated? Or does it just seem so sometimes?
It really is this complicated, and it isn't. For the woman struggling to lose 30 pounds, it feels really basic. She may just eat too much. Maybe she craves sugars. But she knows that all she needs to do to improve the situation is stop eating so much and cut out the sugars. So she goes on a diet, she stops eating sugary foods, and counts her calories. Voila! She loses 15 pounds in 3 weeks. She's feeling really great about her success and she's starting to look really good.
At her next weigh in, she discovers that she hasn't lost any more weight. "Oh, well," she tells herself. "I'm just on a plateau and it'll pick up again next week." She continues counting calories and perhaps she picks up her exercise just a bit. When she weighs in the following week, she finds she's gained a pound. So the following week she tries even harder. Perhaps she loses that pound, but no more. For another week she hangs in there, counting calories, going to the gym, but still, the weight just won't budge.
Now she's getting very frustrated and discouraged. Her cravings are high and she really wants to just eat until there's no food left. Finally she gives in to a craving, just a small bite, she tells herself. And from that point on, it's all down hill. She begins to put the weight back on and she feels helpless to do anything about it. She just can't get past those cravings.
Feeling dispirited and down in the dumps, she beats up on herself. After all, losing weight is simple, it's all about diet and exercise, and she can't even do that right. She tells herself that she's a washout, just a loser who can't even lose weight. She looks in the mirror, hates what she sees, condemns herself and her body. She no longer sees anything about herself except her weight and her failure. The fact that she is an Awesome, Beautiful Being is no longer apparent to her in any way.
Have you had this experience? I have. If you really pay attention to this scenario you can see that underlying her efforts are her emotions and feelings. This is really where the action is happening. Willpower had very little to do with the whole thing. These emotions and feelings control what goes on in our lives and much of what we do.
So why don't we know more about our emotions if they control so much of who we are?
Our emotions are not nice and neat. They can't be quantified and charted like our physical bodies. Emotions are messy and often they don't feel very good. Our emotions make others uncomfortable, and may cause those we love to react to us in ways that we don't like. Our emotions can be difficult to label, so we try to bury them deep where we won't be aware of them. But they don't just go away. They stay in our subconscious and they continue to control our lives.
So what's a girl to do? How does she become aware of what these emotions are doing?
We begin to glimpse these emotions when we start paying attention to our inner dialogue. Here's an exercise you can do to discover some of your thoughts that play in the background of your mind. You will need a quiet place to sit without interruption for at least 15 minutes (turn off your phone, get a timer, a hand mirror, and pen and paper to take notes when you're done.
When you're ready, sit quietly and take 3 slow, deep breaths. Count slowly to 4 on the inhale, 4 while you gently hold your breath, 4 on the exhale and 4 to hold again. This will let your body know that you are going to be focusing and to slow down. It will also bring your awareness into the present moment and allow you to be with yourself.
When you're feeling settled and ready, take your mirror and look into it. Make eye contact with yourself. Don't get into a staring contest, just be comfortable and at ease as you look in the mirror. And now just listen. Pay attention to the thoughts that dart across your mind as you look in your eyes. Just allow your thoughts to be there without any judgment. Time yourself initially at no more than 2 minutes (you can set your timer), just sit and allow your thoughts to flow as they will. You can slowly build this to 5 minutes with practice.
When you first start the process, you may find yourself thinking what a stupid exercise. Thoughts may come up that you need to do this or that. Just acknowledge those thoughts, and allow them to be. As you continue to focus and not shift your attention, your action will give yourself the message that you care about yourself and that you are willing to listen to your inner thoughts. Soon, if you continue, these external distractions will begin to recede and you will find deeper thoughts floating in your mind. Pay attention to these. They may be negative and hurtful, but just let them be for now. Again, don't judge them. They simply are what they are. When your timer goes off, make notes of the thoughts that passed through your mind and how they made you feel. Were they affirming and supportive? Were they humiliating and shaming?
If your thoughts were not supportive, then you have some work to do. Underlying every effort you make in your life, these thoughts will either help or hinder you. When it comes to something as basic as weight control, these thoughts are driving the car.
Your next step in this process is to figure out how to reprogram these underlying thoughts, shifting the humiliating and shameful thinking into supportive and caring thinking. Affirmations are one way to begin the shift. For most of us, however, this really isn't very successful. Our negative emotions, beliefs and thoughts are well established deep in our subconscious, and just repeating words has little effect on these deeper levels.
Here's a quick recommendation. Find something that makes you feel good. When I was starting out with this process, I found some stickers that were fun and made me smile. I put these on my car windows where I could see them comfortably while driving. I allowed myself to relax and enjoy my drives. I gave myself more than enough time to get where I wanted to go to avoid the road rage scenario. I took the time to pay attention to what was around me while I drove, the colors, the way the sun shone through the trees, the reflections of the sun on the water. Sometimes I would stop and just watch as the light shifted and changed. This appealed to the artist in me.
You may find something else that gives you pleasure. Maybe getting your hands in the dirt, or playing with your dog, or enjoying children or grandchildren.
And here's the secret to shifting your emotions: You Have To Be Present In The Moment! What I mean is you have to be really there, emotionally and physically, and with full attention focused on what makes you feel good. Right now! You can't be present in the moment and worried about something, or wishing you'd done something different, or planning your calendar, or thinking about dirty laundry, or any of the myriad things we use to keep ourselves busy and away from being Present. So breathe deep, bring your awareness home to yourself and your body, and listen. Then, take another deep breath, Smile, be fully conscious while you breathe, and count 4 as above.
As you practice you will find it easier to come into this Present Moment. And when you take the time to get to know yourself with your mirror, you will find that you want to talk to yourself. When you reach this point, you are ready to work with those affirmations. In this Moment, when your subconscious is open to your conscious thoughts, you can begin to reprogram those inner thoughts and change your internal environment.
And one more thing. As you learn to be More Present, don't forget to Smile and Laugh. Enjoy yourself and your foibles. You are unique and fascinating. Just relax and enjoy... yourself.
For more information about East Hill Hypnosis and Sharon Routledge, please visit http://www.easthillhypnosis.com/. Be sure to sign up for the complementary eBook, Adventures In Hypnosis.
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